Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize