So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
