He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
