I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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