By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
