so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
