i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
