Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
