I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
