I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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