A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
