no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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