I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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