took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
