At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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