you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
