I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
