I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
