i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
