He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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