This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
