Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
