Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
