I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
