Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
