It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize