the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
