For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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