Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
