she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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