i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
