Non-Jews are for practice
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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