after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Randomize