no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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