Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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