God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
