i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i drank out of a bidet.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
