My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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