I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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