They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
