Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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