oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
