I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
