Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
