there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
