There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
