This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
