Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
