question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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