Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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