I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
