So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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