I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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