I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
