I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
