This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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