Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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