i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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