drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
