my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
