hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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