Life is so much better after having sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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