i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
