1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
