please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
