dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
